


studying native

by OrdinaryRealities



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: 5+1, Found Family, Gen, Phone Conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 10:28:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20356969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrdinaryRealities/pseuds/OrdinaryRealities
Summary: Crowley gives Warlock his phone number when they leave.Five times Warlock calls his Nanny and one time Crowley calls him back.





	studying native

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from the Adrienne Rich poem "By No Means Native."
> 
> This is just a little thing prompted by an anonymous ask someone sent forineffablereasons on tumblr, who opened it up to the rest of their followers. If I knew how to link the post I would...

_The day after the world didn’t end._  
“This is Anthony J. Crowley. You know what to do. Do it with style." The phone beeped. 

Warlock hadn’t exactly expected voicemail. “Hey, uh, it’s Warlock. I’m just calling to say hi. I’ve decided I’m growing my hair out now. It’s going to go all down my back. Dad’s spitting. Mom’s running a tech start-up and talking about moving to Seattle. I- I don’t know if you heard, but we got recalled to the states for something. Mom thinks it’s because she said slut-shaming things about Melania. Well, she just repeated them to me, but I know what category they go in. It’s like the things James used to say about you, Nanny, and it’s absurd and offensive. I might like Seattle, but I don’t think Mom plans to take me if she goes. I start school tomorrow. It’s going to be weird, being in a classroom full of people who probably have better American accents than I do. We went to the Middle East yesterday, and I pissed off some British guy who smelled really bad. He wasn’t Middle Eastern though, Nanny. I don’t understand why they would hire some white guy who isn’t even from the country as a tour guide. Umm. I don’t remember which country it was. Dad did say, but I was waiting for when we could go home and didn’t hear him. It wasn’t nice and soft and rainy like I’m used to. It’s awfully hot and sunny here. Hope you and Brother Francis are well.”

_Twelve days after the world didn’t end._  
“Hello darling.”

“Nanny?”

“Yes sweetheart.” 

“America is weird.”

“Is it really, my pet? How so?”

“It just is. I miss England. Can’t I come back to live with you and Brother Francis?”

“We don’t live together, pet.”

“But you came to my party together. And you left together.”

“We don’t live together, pet.”

Warlock sighed enormously, gusting down the phone line. “Everyone has weird ideas here. The people on the news keep saying stupid things about everything. And do you know, we need to have a hall pass in order to visit the bathroom and they start every day at school by mumbling some dumb thing about mindlessly pledging allegiance?”

“I miss you too, darling.”

“Will we go back to England again?”

“I don’t know, dear. That probably depends on your president.”

It was only that evening, in Aziraphale’s bookshop, that Crowley realized what had been bothering him earlier. 

“Warlock called today.”

“Oh? I didn’t realize he had your number.”

Crowley scowled. “Of course he has my number. His father is an idiot and his mother isn’t as good with children as she is with numbers.”

“I was just asking, dear boy.”

“He said that he knew it was us, at his party.”

Warlock had a text when he checked his phone before bed that night. ‘You heckle Brother Francis again the way you did at your party and you’ll be sorry.’

Warlock fell asleep with a smile on his face.

_One year after the world didn’t end._  
“Uh, Nanny?”

“This is Pepper. Who are you?”

“I’m Warlock, and this isn’t your phone.” 

“No, but it’s not some nanny’s phone either, and Crowley is teaching Brian how to knit.”

“Crowley is my nanny. Is, umm.” Warlock stopped. “Or maybe Crowley was Brother Francis. It’s hard to say. But I think he was Nanny. At least, he’s the one who gave me the number.” Minding his pronouns was hard work, but if Nanny was passing as a man now, Warlock wasn’t going to be the one to tell people he’d used to pass as a woman. 

“Yes, but it’s a warlock, Anathema. Maybe you’d better talk to him.”

“I’m not a warlock, my name is Warlock.”

“Really? What? No, hang on Warlock, what was that Anathema? She says there’s no such thing as Warlocks anyway. Just witches.”

“Hang on, you know someone named Anathema and you thought Warlock was too weird to actually be my name?”

“Shut up. Yes, Crowley, he claims his name is Warlock?”

“Warlock! How are you, darling? How’s the hair coming along?”

Warlock smiled. “Really nicely. It’s down past my shoulders already and this kid Mark, he suggested that I get an undercut, so the very bottom of my head is shaved but you can’t see it unless my hair is up. And Mark’s teaching me to braid it too.”

“And how did Mark learn to braid hair?”

“I, um. Well, he has long hair too. And his mum doesn’t know he’s a boy.”

“Oh. No, Aziraphale, I’m fine. Warlock’s made friends with a trans boy in his class – I assume this Mark is in your class?”

“He’s Dave’s older brother. He’s in high school. But we’re going to be friends anyway, because Mark says people like us have to stick together and Dave says that when Mark turns eighteen he’s going to move to a liberal city and get an apartment so when we turn eighteen we can join him.”

“How soon does he turn eighteen, Warlock? And what does he want to do?”

Warlock hung up with the warm conviction that Nanny was going to help his friend.

_Two years, three months after the world didn’t end._  
“Nanny?”

“Warlock, how are you?”

“I-” Warlock’s breath crackled into the phone impatiently. “Mr. Green said- Look, I know that a lot of what he says is wrong. Jenny says that he’s perpetuating rape culture and he shouldn’t be allowed to teach health class, and the lack of acknowledgement about gay people and trans people is gross… But today-”

“Spit it out, Warlock.” Crowley kept his voice soft. “I’m not going to be upset at you about whatever stupid thing your teacher has said.”

“I- I know it isn’t true that all the boys in class will start being attracted to girls soon, but is it true that we’ll all be attracted to someone? Because Dave whispered that when Mr. Green said the first thing, but I don’t… I’m not… Is there something wrong with me if I don’t?”

“Warlock, darling, don’t believe it even for a second. I’m asexual. Aziraphale is asexual – that’s Brother Francis to you, smart boy – and what that means is that you aren’t attracted to other people. Not sexually, not ever.”

“I thought, maybe- ‘Cause, you know, you both just… disappeared. Maybe you realized there was something wrong with me.”

“Warlock, there is nothing wrong with you, at all. Don’t ever think it again. Brother Francis and I were called away quite suddenly for a very important job. It had nothing to do with you whatsoever. We would never have done that. I gave you my phone number, didn’t I?”

“Oh.” Warlock’s voice was small. 

“Now, there’s different kinds of asexual. Aromantic. I can text you some resources if you like. Books, websites. You can look at it and decide if it looks like somewhere you fit.”

“Thank you, Nanny.” 

Crowley tactfully didn’t mention the sniff. He surreptitiously wiped a tear from his own cheek and hoped Aziraphale would be a few more minutes closing up the shop. “There’s nothing to thank me for, dear. On the contrary, I should have made that clear to you much sooner.”

A watery snort from the other end. “If I’d have asked, you would have.”

Crowley smiled at the phone. “I appreciate your confidence, dear.”

_Two years, ten months after the world didn’t end._  
“Hello?”

A voice spoke over top of him. “Crowley? It’s Warlock, how do I make this thing answer?”

Warlock thought he recognized the voice. “Brother Francis?”

“Oh! Warlock, there you are. How are you, my dear boy?”

“Here, Angel,” the voice was muffled, “Let me see,”

“Are you two living together yet?”

“Warlock!” That was Nanny’s voice.

Warlock shrugged even though they couldn’t see. “Are you? Only, I’ve found your friend Pepper on Instagram and she only seems to see you together, and the resources Nanny gave me talked a lot about how being asexual isn’t the same as being aromantic.”

He listened to the silence at the other end of the phone for a long moment. 

“It’s OK if you aren’t. You can tell me to buzz off. Jenny says that she wonders sometimes if the reason why her dad and mums are all together is because they think kids need their parents to be married. I’m OK with you guys not being in a relationship if you actually don’t want to be in one.”

The silence continued. Warlock gave them a minute and then moved on to the reason he was calling. 

“Anyway, I was thinking of maybe going to Pride this month, but Mark doesn’t want to go and Jenny’s parents said only if dad said yes, and I just thought maybe one of you might be around?”

Now Crowley spoke. “You thought we just might be planning to travel to America and not tell you about it.”

“Look, I don’t have the first idea about what you do – Pepper’s friend Brian seems to think Crowley is in the mob and Aziraphale runs a bookshop, but Wensleydale says you’re both independently wealthy, and none of that explains why you would want to work as my nanny or the gardener,” Warlock kept Pepper’s odd reaction and Adam’s odder theory to himself, “ – But it seemed to me that it might be worth a try to see if you would be able to plan a trip to America if I asked you to. You don’t need to tell me what you do. Just if you think you could come.”

He was ready for the quiet this time.

“I think your Nanny and I have some packing to do. When is this Pride and what does it entail?”

“Text me the dates and we’ll see you there. Angel, you know perfectly well what a pride parade is. Remember in ’72? You closed the bookshop?”

_Three years, three hundred and sixty-two days after the world didn’t end._  
“Warlock? Hello, Warlock, happy birthday. Oh, your hair looks lovely!”

Warlock smiled down at his screen and raised a hand to touch his hair. “Thank you! I got the braids off a youtube tutorial. I thought it looked sort of appropriate, like a birthday crown.”

“Lovely! Look, Angel, Warlock’s gotten so good at braiding!”

Brother Francis’s head appeared over Crowley’s shoulder. “Warlock, that’s stunning.” He turned to Nanny. “It would be nice if you grew out your hair again, dear. You and Warlock could practice hairstyles for each other.”

Crowley turned back to the screen. “Warlock, dear. We were wondering if you would like to come to England and have a party.”

Brother Francis – Aziraphale – cut in. “I understand that you’ve been communicating with Adam over the internet, and you know he shares your birthday. We thought we’d throw a little celebration for the two of you.”

“I’ll handle your father if you want to come.” Nanny looked briefly dangerous. “We’d keep you for about a week and get you back in time to start high school.”

Warlock grinned. “That sounds like the best birthday ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously, Warlock's first time meeting Adam and Pepper and the rest is a little bit fraught, but by the end of the first day all that time following each other on social media has paid off and Warlock is fitting in seamlessly. They stay in touch and Warlock has to make some hard decisions when he gets out of high school about whether he's staying in the states with his US friends or going to the UK and going to school with some subsection of the Them.
> 
> And yes, the only time Crowley doesn't pick up is because he's currently standing in hellfire in Heaven scaring angels.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed. If you're ace and I got asexuality wrong, please let me know so I can fix it and do better. Same goes for any sexism/racism/transphobia/whatever I'm accidentally perpetuating.


End file.
